Month: October 2003

	


	









	

				
charmed
				

		
91%
		

		

		

	
	


	


	


	









	

				
mikeylewis
				

		
76%
		

		

		

	
	


	


	


	









	

				
justsp
				

		
72%
		

		

		

	
	


	


	


	









	

				
pokesephiroth
				

		
61%
		

		

		

	
	


	


	


	









	

				
amberholic
				

		
58%
		

		

		

	
	


	


	


	









	

				
iamthenate
				

		
54%
		

		

		

	
	


	

How compatible with me are YOU?

	


	









	

				
justsp
				

		
46%
		

		

		

	
	


	

How sexually compatible with me are you?
Take the NEW sexual compatibility quiz at LJMatch!

-> PizzamanTest <- says: the problem is not msn -> PizzamanTest <- says: the problem is ... -> PizzamanTest <- says: that cause you love me.. you expect too much from me -> PizzamanTest <- says: and i can't give you that much, cause i'm working on myself Roelo says: I understand. things like this should just be said more because that makes it easier and it helps you too on working on yourself. you come a long way by just doing that Roelo says: I sometimes am scared saying hi to you -> PizzamanTest <- says: *hugs* -> PizzamanTest <- says: i know the feeling -> PizzamanTest <- says: i've been there Roelo says: because I always initiate conversation -> PizzamanTest <- says: yup.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: i know Roelo says: and feel like a pest even though I just want conversation -> PizzamanTest <- says: roelo.. i've been on both sides of the fence Roelo says: so I was just hoping on a hi from you now and then. -> PizzamanTest <- says: roelo.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: what needs to change is the need... -> PizzamanTest <- says: if the need is gone.. then only the pleasure is left -> PizzamanTest <- says: mmm.. Roelo says: i dont understand -> PizzamanTest <- says: you NEED to chat with me -> PizzamanTest <- says: cause you love me -> PizzamanTest <- says: you're short of breath..waiting for my reply -> PizzamanTest <- says: trying hard not to get upset -> PizzamanTest <- says: frustrated -> PizzamanTest <- says: hoping i will answer.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: and say anything -> PizzamanTest <- says: something Roelo says: so you treat it with avation Roelo says: avoiding Roelo says: that is cruel -> PizzamanTest <- says: Shush -> PizzamanTest <- says: wait -> PizzamanTest <- says: don't think -> PizzamanTest <- says: listen -> PizzamanTest <- says: i don't treat it with anything.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: i act normally.. like i act with anybody that will mean what u mean to me -> PizzamanTest <- says: the problem is not in how fast or slow i reply.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: the problem is the uneveness off the feelings -> PizzamanTest <- says: you love me a whole lot more than i love you, and you're interested in me a whole lot more than I am interested in you -> PizzamanTest <- says: and that's what creates the friction.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: if we felt evenly then there would be no frictions.. -> PizzamanTest <- says: *done* -> PizzamanTest <- says: *steps down the soap box* -> PizzamanTest <- says: *hugs*.. thanks for listening

So .. let’s see what I’ve done

• I successfully searched for auto insurance, hopefully will be like only $100 a month..
• Called continental and added the mileage for the flight from NYC to Tokyo
• Paid for he laptop and I’m awaiting the clearing of the payment, the assembly, shipment and arrival
• Bought wellbutrin online for only $89 (plus free multivitamins & free shipment)
• Got the hair analysis kit mailed
• I’m downloading exchange to get it installed and learn all I can about it.

well.. today was a good day .. went to the beach and had an incredible time playing with the dogs. I ordered the laptop already, so, i think i’ll get it by the 1st week of november, earlier if I’m lucky.

Also, I got a call from volt.com, they are a staffing company, they said that they wanted me for a position doing technical support in Irving, TX. It’s doing support for Windows 2000 and exchange, which does not sound that bad. So I told them I’ll brush my skills with exchange and to call me in two weeks.

Wow.. i really need to get my new lappy.. this one is so slow.

[22:45] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: low selfsteem it’s not only “I’m pretty, I’m ugly”
[22:45] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: low selsteem really has an impact on the way you see AND project yourself out there
[22:45] -> Pizzaman <-: a*listens* [22:46] -> Pizzaman <-: yup.. the way you see the world [22:46] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: it's the knowledge you have, of who you are, and the abilities you posses as a person. [22:46] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: in other words, your talents [22:46] -> Pizzaman <-: mines are not very marketable in today's society [22:46] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: so here's this 32 guy who has no self steem, and who thinks he has no value at all...outside from "I'm a good damn boyfriend, cause I gave it all" [22:46] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: 🙂 [22:47] -> Pizzaman <-: well.. actually I'm a lousy bf [22:47] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: but what you are, it's an incredible smart person who pretty much taught himself everything he knows of a thing we call PC, which BTW, runs the world today…cause every single damn thing, it’s ran by a computer.
[22:47] -> Pizzaman <-: although that doesn't give anyone the right to hurt me [22:47] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: there's this person with sweet and honorable values, moral values, which makes you an incredible and sensitible human being, in my eyes.
[22:47] -> Pizzaman <-: i pretty much taught me everythign I know about everything i know [22:47] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: because I know who you are, I knew you before LA. [22:49] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: you need to love yourself, and you need to understand, that yes, perhaps you won’t create the next OS [ I don’t doubt you could, it just wouldn’t have the same impact MSFT Windows had, or even linux ]
[22:49] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: but you can make a difference out there, because you have the talent in this particular area.
[22:49] -> Pizzaman <-: i made a very postive difference in Radisson [22:49] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: and you'll continue to do so...at everything that you do. [22:50] -> Pizzaman <-: and I was VERY cherished and people were always amazed about the things i did [22:50] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: because you are an incredible person
[22:50] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: it’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for so fucking long
[22:50] -> Pizzaman <-: *thinks* [22:50] -> Pizzaman <-: *smiles* [22:50] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: I believe in you
[22:50] -> Pizzaman <-: thanks [22:50] ╠ﮒcaҜ╣◘ blah³ {tv}: I always have

I also saw beautiful thing for the 3rd time today. I cried.. I miss having a boyfriend.

Went to Sushi Siam 「鮨そいあむ」 today. Applied for work at a LOT of different companies, something must happen soon.. soon I’ll get a job.. and then.. I WILL BE THE ONE LAUGHING .. Muahahahhahahah!!
Muahahahahhaha
Muahhahahahaha

Today I’ll order my new lappy !! Woooohooo !! soooo.. Any input before i take the plunge would be greatly appreciated.. it’s your time to shine.

I ordered the Hair Test analysis kit today… and I’m very close on buying wellbutrin or effexor.. I just have to figure out a cheap place where to buy it online without a prescription.

weird..

I’m beginning to sound like an american….
consumerism, antidepressants, and crazyness all around.

*bows*

I’m half dead already… the sun doesn’t shine on me no more.. only what i feel is the heat of hell buring my side burns.. i carry this cross.. and invisible one.. that makes me being hated. There’s no way out, noone can help.. i can’t seek help.. no energy.. too much bureocracy makes me stall before taking off.

Maybe you’ll find it stupid.. like doing a test in cosmopolitan .. won’t help.. won’t work.. you’ll say
I went to this website
and did this test
and got this Self Assessment Results:

Clinical depression is not something you can just “will away” or “talk yourself out of.” While no standardized test can tell for sure if what you’re feeling is, in fact, depression, your responses suggest that you’re in much more pain than you need to be. Depression is very treatable—and the sooner you seek help, the sooner you’ll feel relief. Consider discussing some of what you’re feeling with a physician (what looks like depression can be caused by such things as physical ailments, medication side-effects, or hormonal shifts) and/or sharing your concerns with a professional therapist.

If you are having any thoughts about suicide, please click here.

Use the 4therapy Therapist Locator to find help now.

Does this means I have clinical depression, or is just a bunch of crock and I should forget the whole think and keep living my life?

you tell me..