Yesterday after going to the gym I came home with the intention of just relaxing and playing warcraft 3. I was interrupted by a phone call. It was José Luis, he wanted to go out to have dinner together, I agreed although I really wanted to stay. We went out and ate .. guess what? chineese food. Like at midnight I arrived, and just as I was walking into my room the phone rang, it was Enrique. Everytime I go out with José Luis, Enrique gets upset. He starts saying nasty things about José Luis. I used to agree sometimes with him, because sometimes I feel my privacy invaded. But yesterday he pissed me off, he sounded like a jealous boyfriend. I think I need to take some actions for this not to happen again. But I’m not sure what to do. Should I, next time Enrique starts saying nasty things about José Luis, stop him on his tracks by saying that both are my friends and both deserve respect?… mmm… what to do?
I just woke up, I’ll go today with Belen to the DEX. A governmental identification office. Ewwww !. Ugly place, long lines, dangerous part of town.
I arrived from the gym like an hour ago. Usually I don’t go or stay at the gym this late, but today I stayed home playing warcraft, and well.. Time passed by.
I sit here, thinking about that I feel lonely, but I know there are several people that I know that would love to go out with me, or talk or do whatever with me. But, I don’t feel like doing stuff with them all the time. I feel like I need something else. But it has happened that when I have that something else, It looses value fairly quickly and ends up boring me too.
So, what would it be ?.. what do I need ?.. I need to do something about the depression…
update : 10:25
I’m watching on HBO the movie Osmosis Jones, I like it ! 🙂
I just woke up from an awful nightmare, it seems I was staying at Luis Antonio’s home for some reason and at the moment noone was there. Suddenly Cesar (a guy I met in Mexico) arrived, he came to visit me. We were talking around and I was showing him what I’ve been doing lately and how much more muscle I’ve gained since I joined the gym. Later Luis Antonio and his family arrived, first his mom was complaining I let the pasta that was boiling in the kitchen dry out, it looked odd, cause it still had water in the pot, and a sponge floating on top.
After that I was looking out a window, and Cesar came from behind and hold me tight, I felt unconfortable, we talked for a while. I said that Luis Antonio after all wasn’t that beautiful. Later on Luis Antonio saw us and he made some comment, I tried to release from the hug. After that I was explaining to Luis Antonio’s parents that Cesar and I weren’t boyfriends and nothing happened while we were out, to which Cesar got upset and left. I stayed on the window looking for him, and I saw the bottom part of the builing we were on, it was a hotel, and lots of people were entering and exiting the place.
After a while Luis Antonio went into his room, and iI followed him, he went to the window and I came and hugged him from the back, we fell down to the bed, and I tried to kiss him, he was sucking on a lollipop, and I was able to taste the sweetness of it. At that moment I saw his face, it was full of a blister-like rash, I asked him about it and he told me he got it swimming in Cumaná (this was the climax of the nightmare). I don’t remember anything else.
Haven’t talked with him in a while. I miss having someone to talk to. Having someone to care about.
Gee.. I haven’t been writing daily in my journal, I must comply !
This is the first grade Kanji lesson:
kanji｜Hiragana｜ Romaji | meaning
一 → いち → ｉｃｈｉ → ｏｎｅ
右 → う → ｕ → ｒｉｇｈｔ
雨 → あめ → ａｍｅ → ｒａｉｎ
円 → えん → ｅｎ → ｙｅｎ，ｃｉｒｃｌｅ
王 → おう → ｏｕ → ｋｉｎｇ，ｒｕｌｅ，ｍａｇｎａｔｅ
音 → おん → ｏｎ → ｓｏｕｎｄ，ｍｕｓｉｃ
下 → か → ｋａ → ｄｏｗｎ，ｂｅｌｏｗ，ｄｅｓｃｅｎｄ
火 → か → ｋａ，ｈｉ→ ｆｉｒｅ
花 → か → ｋａ，ｋｅ→ ｆｌｏｗｅｒ
貝 → ばい → ｂａｉ → ｓｈｅｌｌｆｉｓｈ
学 → がく → ｇａｋｕ → ｓｔｕｄｙ，ｌｅａｒｎｉｎｇ，ｓｃｉｅｎｃｅ
Tired, need to sleep. Will keep on studying tomorrow.
Only blocks you see ?, Japanese Language support on your browser :
Absolutely nothing is going on.. nothing besides small advances in my research about neurotransmitters, and learning a little bit more of japanese… I wen’t to Belen’s home today, had a nice day, played warcraft a few times.. had a nice dinner with her, she’s a great friend and I’m very proud of her.
Yesterday actually I never made it to Belen’s home, instead José Luis finally convinced me about coming here. He stayed until 2:30 am, we talked about lots of things, and we played computer games, it was nice, he’s a nice guy, and it shows a lot that he likes me very much.
I don’t know what I need, inside of me sometimes everything stirs up, and I have a conflict that I don’t know how I am feeling, is it anxiety, stress, depression, hunger, nervousness.. what !? I’ve had this strange feeling inside most of the day.
Haven’t heard anything about Luis Antonio in a week or so, I still miss him very much.
Well today is saturday, José Luis called me but I told him I was probably going to go to Belen’s house so I couldn’t go out with him, I don’t think I will go though. I feel down, I haven’t eaten yet, and I haven’t received my check card yet, so I’m kinda low on funds.. I feel lonely, how much I wish I could reach some sort of normality in my emotions.
I found out some new info about depression and nutrition, I’ve been thinking that my depression problems might be somehow related to my nutrition, or maybe a defiency of a neurotransmitter called norepinephrine, to raise the levels of the norepinephrine I should ingest the aminoacid called tyrosine or phenylalanine that gets converted into it, also vitamin C and B6.
Nutrient Dose Directions
L-Tyrosine 500 mg 4 to 10 capsules per day in 2 or 3 equal doses on an empty stomach
L-Phenylalanine 500 mg 1 to 3 capsules per day in equal doses on an empty stomach
Vitamin B6 50 mg 1 capsule 3 times per day
Vitamin C 1000 mg 1 capsule per day
I’ve been going over what I wrote yesterday about José Luis, I think rather than him causing and effect on me, it’s probably mostly from my depression, sometimes I do get bored of people and I do need to be alone, it happens to me with everybody, I need to dig deeper into this…
Went to the DEX (where the government process your identity card), they told me I have to go to he one in “el centro” (downtown), I don’t wanna go there, i’ll try going to another office of the dex next thursday.
I’m getting bigger and stronger I believe, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror and I look bigger, I’m happy for that and I wanna keep going to the gym, not only here but when I start college, I believe Johnson & Wales University has fitness center and a pool, also they have several sports clubs, although I’ve never been too good at sports.
I received news from Johnson & Wales University, they said that the credentials evaluator is on vacation and he/she will review my file next week !!!