lonely…

Well.. I’m almost packed ready to once again move across the world. This time isn’t as exciting as it’s been before, this time is to go back…. Back to where I came from. It’s funny how back is not a nice word. It evicts pictures of failure and unacomplishment. I hoped I could outrun my past, but it finally caught me. Naked and alone.

I feel alone. Usually I don’t feel that way. But today, I do. Promises, words and wishes. Made on a whim, vanished with time and got forgotten as easy as they were made. Words are cheap, action is cheap, what takes strenght and character is being able to be real and maintain it.

Will I ever find what I’m looking for? Will I ever know what I’m looking for? and if I find it .. will I appreciate it?

Noone will ever help me here… Time is the key.. and noone has time anymore.

Nightmares

I had this weird dream last night, I don’t remember much, but my ex was cheating on me. Damn.. Can’t I dream of another thing ?.. It was a very detailed and complex dream. I like dreaming, it means why brain is active .. and I’ve been feeling a lot clearer on my brain as the late. I think the protocol that I’m following ATM for the mercury poisoning is working. It was idea of Dr. Eric Davis from Margate Beach, Queensland, Australia.

farewell

So.. I guess here comes the asshole Luis, the one who’s supposed to be heartless..

I’m going away, and the “normal” thing to do is to throw me a bye bye party, right?

(talking about that, today I was reading about when some friends from Venezuela threw me a bye bye party when I was going away for college, amazing coincidence..? That post was from September 4th 2002)

So Roelo had the idea of getting all his friends together, and get them to sign a card and invite them all to a restaurant and surprise me…

Oh well, It thank him for his good intentions, I mean it was nice and all, I spoke like twice.. had two absoluts mandrin and duck confit.

Why all this is meaningless to me? Yes, I don’t enjoy going out with a bunch of people that I barely know and will never have any connection with, why? I just don’t know.. I’m bored of it, I’ve never enjoyed socializing, and I guess that throught the years I’ve discovered how meaningless and empty it has been.

But don’t get me wrong, I love friends, friendship is wonderful, but pleaaaaaaase dont insult me, these people are not my friends, nothing more further away from the truth. Friends are people that you share an special bond, people with whom you share something in common and don’t feel the need to fill the emptyness with more void.

I’m sleepy… was a nice dinner.. just nice.. I hate that word..

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay.. Hair


straight
Originally uploaded by mercurytoxic.

Soo.. I needed a haircut.. yeah.. I was dreading the moment.. That awful moment every few months when I have to go to this small saloon where I pay lots of money to some guy/gal that doesn’t even know where Venezuela is to use sharp instruments on my head.

I cannot begin to explain how much I dread that moment, and it’s not because of their fault entirely, but because I don’t know.. I don’t know how I want my hair, I don’t know how to style it, I don’t know what I can use with my hair, I don’t know how I want it to look like.. I know how I wish it would look like, but let’s better not go there..

So at least this guy used one of those flat plier things that make your hair smoke and make funny noises, and he had the courage and disposition to try something on my hair..

Do I like it .. err.. I don’t know.. I guess not.. I’m my country we call this “pelo planchado”, which means Ironed hair, but well.. I guess most women do this….

Damn.. I have issues.. BIG BAD UGLY ONES !

today ..

What I did today…


  • Kept playing with my debian distro, it’s so cool.. Now it’s running flawlessly with Apache, PHP, MySQL, Courier, Zencart, Samba and SWAT. The networking part rocks !
  • Spent most of the morning troubleshooting how to connect from Windows to Samba without having to modify my windows username (it contains one space and *nix doesn’t like spaces), I ended up making a new user account in Debian and did a “useraccount map -> luisaranguren = “Luis Aranguren”. 
  • Use PocketPutty on my PPC to connect to my debian distro running under vmware
  • Chatted a lot with a few people, including , LA (my ex), Pony, Jon, Luke
  • Ate sausage, garlicky mushrooms and avocado

Well.. gotta go ..