Author: pizzaman

So.. yeah .. I haven’t been updating much. Lately I haven’t been feeling like writing, sometimes too much going on.. sometimes too little. But one thing is true.. I love . This last weekend I decided to go and visit, he lives around 300 kms away, so I took a bus and 5 hours later I was there.. after 3 years I see him again. So much memories. I stayed at his place, in his room… the same room where I used to spend months on end in 1997, when we still were boyfriends. I couldn’t help to want to hug him all the time. It was just too much for me. Like nothing had changed and I was there on one of my frequent visits.

But many things have changed, for one, he’s deeply in love with . Long story short, boy meets boy, boy fucks boy for the first time, boy falls in love with boy forever. And well.. I know there is no place in his heart for me, besides our deeply ingrained friendship, which as it is.. it’s extremely cool.

I enjoyed so much spending time with him. We talked and talked and talked and talked, we played CounterStrike (he was pwned), I owe getting a Wow account so I can play with him, we smoked like whores, we ate outside and at his place, although I don’t remember watching him eat. I stared at him so much, and we slept together, as in sleeping, although I got to hug him for hours and hours while he was sleeping, it’s incredible the enjoyment I obtain from that, for me it’s just priceless.

He was very reserved at times, not watching me while I removed my clothes, but I know he was doing it on purpose. Also not changing clothes in front of me and stuff like that. I guess for me time doesn’t pass the same as for others, and well.. I enjoyed. There were very tense moments as well, all because of our main topic of conversation, his ex boyfriend.

I’ve been interested in meeting his exbf for quite some time. For many reasons, and I know that took a toll on charmed and me cause the situation was not totally comfortable. Meeting him was totally cool and I enjoyed it a lot. I wish I had more time to get to know him a lot better, time will tell.

I love very much. Our friendship is stronger than ever and he’s my best friend. There’s not a lot more I could ask. Maybe to live in the same place, to share more time together IRL, and well.. maybe.. someday.. and stuff… be his husby stuff.

[10:05] scakesence: it was REALLY REALLY great to see you 😀 I was very very happy to finally share with you after so much time.
[10:05] scakesence: but I was really happy for real (K) I love you a lot

scake…: I want to feel a cock inside of me

Soo..

Last night I was here at home, minding my own business when someone knocked at the door. It was my ex’s family, his mother, father and brother. They came home to visit me, since they haven’t seen me in 3 years. It was nice and interesting, we talked about .. well.. things people talk about.. you know what have you done and that kinda stuff. After that my ex’s brother invited me to go out, and we eneded up going to a few bars and getting some drinks, and mainly talking about his depression and problems with this girl he likes.

He’s a sweet and cute kid that is going thru the rough times of learning how to deal with deceipt. Hope I can help.

(damn, you’re getting old when you call 20 year old guys “a kid”)

Soo.. Tired, sleepy but yoguherty !

3/27/2005 6:52:45 PM
BNE -> LAX
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10:30am
What the fuck?.. It really annoys me when in a brochure it says ridiculous thing like..
“we encourage you to explore and discover”

Okay, let me start from the beginning. Here I am, standing on the line for my Quantas flight to Los Angeles. It’s 10 something, I don?t care to wear a watch, Besides the on my ex-ex gave me as a present when I left my native country 3 years ago. Has no battery though, but I don’t care about time. Unless when it involves other people, then it’s TIME. Some Quantas’ girl walks around, saying something about a flight, can?t hear her, as usual. Get off the queue. A relief, the 70 year old woman behind be has been pushing her car onto my heels for the 20th time. I have to leave my baggage unattended, wow, a big no-no. I get to her, they’re check-in the flight on the business section. Pull my 160lbs. of shit out of the line. God, I hate shit. I make a new line, this time shorter. I’m at the counter, damn, hope I’m not over the weight limit or I’ll have to start pulling shit out of the suitcase and dumping it in the bin.

Surprise, surprise.. WTF? he says “You’ve been upgraded to Business class”, I ask “Why?”, He says “Cause you?re special” .. WTF? Not even my mother thinks I’m special, unless it’s drooling kinda special. A smile crosses my face, but still I’m pissed cause I didn’t found out why.

Fucking mother of Jesus. Immigration, or should we say emmigration, line is huge. 35 minutes to the boarding call, I think I can make it. It’s funny but it doesn’t matter how early I am for anything, I always end up being stressed cause I might be late. At least the cart sicko is nowhere near.

Ahhh, the joy of emmigrating. Noone cares, they happily stamp your passport. No questions asked. No stress, no fear.

The flight has been delayed. 20 minutes only. Enuff to buy something special for the loved ones, or so they say. The reason? Some New Zealand flight has mechanical problems, those Kiwis. Does Australia has to always come to the rescue? Now our flight it overbooked, mmm, It makes sense now, that’s why I was upgraded. Mystery solved.

…

What the fuck? I have to get off the plane in New Zealand? and drag all my shit out ? Damn.. These Kiwis look funny.. giggles.. OMG I remember, I had sex with one a few months ago.

…

4:30
Finally back in the plane. Waited for a long time. I think it was an hour. Haha and this is just starting, the first leg of the flight. A flight that looks more like a centipede. We’ll we’re packed. I got an obese guy to my left. Fuck, why the call champagne when it’s not champagne, it’s sparkling white white, sparkling wine, or bubbly or something but champagne only comes from Champagne in France and has DOC. Well, what the fuck do I know anyways, I’m happy with my water.

7:06PM
Been watching Shrek 2. Very funny. I like cartoons, I don’t watch them as much as I used to. I still watch The Simpsons fro time to time, used to watch them everyday with my ex. Happy, happy.

Just finished dinner. Ewww. The veggies overcooked, the meat overcooked, the wine sucked paired with the sauce. I don?t understand why people pay so much to fly, next time I’m bringing my spiderman lunch box.

Why do people get so fat? It puzzles me. Maybe I have the time to think about these things because I have no responsibilities to worry about. But it really puzzles me how people can take so bad care about themselves. I mean, I understand if you’re 12 and you don’t know any better… well I guess it’s like smoking… u know, I see these people who truly love themselves, unlike me though, and they smoke. They’ve been smoking for years, it’s a reflex and habit. I guess like me and jacking off. I mean, I can’t go for too long without doing it. Yeah, you know the tingly feeling is nice and stuff, but I think it goes beyond that. It’s an habit, one of the few I haven’t been able to break. I don?t think it’s a body need though. Like

Well.. I’m almost packed ready to once again move across the world. This time isn’t as exciting as it’s been before, this time is to go back…. Back to where I came from. It’s funny how back is not a nice word. It evicts pictures of failure and unacomplishment. I hoped I could outrun my past, but it finally caught me. Naked and alone.

I feel alone. Usually I don’t feel that way. But today, I do. Promises, words and wishes. Made on a whim, vanished with time and got forgotten as easy as they were made. Words are cheap, action is cheap, what takes strenght and character is being able to be real and maintain it.

Will I ever find what I’m looking for? Will I ever know what I’m looking for? and if I find it .. will I appreciate it?

Noone will ever help me here… Time is the key.. and noone has time anymore.

I had this weird dream last night, I don’t remember much, but my ex was cheating on me. Damn.. Can’t I dream of another thing ?.. It was a very detailed and complex dream. I like dreaming, it means why brain is active .. and I’ve been feeling a lot clearer on my brain as the late. I think the protocol that I’m following ATM for the mercury poisoning is working. It was idea of Dr. Eric Davis from Margate Beach, Queensland, Australia.

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So.. I guess here comes the asshole Luis, the one who’s supposed to be heartless..

I’m going away, and the “normal” thing to do is to throw me a bye bye party, right?

(talking about that, today I was reading about when some friends from Venezuela threw me a bye bye party when I was going away for college, amazing coincidence..? That post was from September 4th 2002)

So Roelo had the idea of getting all his friends together, and get them to sign a card and invite them all to a restaurant and surprise me…

Oh well, It thank him for his good intentions, I mean it was nice and all, I spoke like twice.. had two absoluts mandrin and duck confit.

Why all this is meaningless to me? Yes, I don’t enjoy going out with a bunch of people that I barely know and will never have any connection with, why? I just don’t know.. I’m bored of it, I’ve never enjoyed socializing, and I guess that throught the years I’ve discovered how meaningless and empty it has been.

But don’t get me wrong, I love friends, friendship is wonderful, but pleaaaaaaase dont insult me, these people are not my friends, nothing more further away from the truth. Friends are people that you share an special bond, people with whom you share something in common and don’t feel the need to fill the emptyness with more void.

I’m sleepy… was a nice dinner.. just nice.. I hate that word..