Passive-aggressive behavior

My ex-boyfriend smokes. We only see each other like once a year but we still talk on the phone almost every day. He tried to quit smoking a few months ago unsuccessfully, he’s been smoking for like 12 years. He would love to have a new state of the art computer but he’s broke. I’m not rich, but I can buy one for him. So.. I thought.. what if ..

I motivate him to quit smoking by buying him the computer of his dreams, and when I’m saying of his dreams it means…

• AMD Athlon 64 FX-62 with AM2 Socket


• 2x ASUS EN7900GTX/2DHTV/512M Geforce 7900GTX 512MB GDDR3 PCI Express x16 Video Card in SLI config


• ASUS M2N32-SLI Deluxe Wireless Edition Socket AM2 NVIDIA nForce 590 SLI MCP ATX AMD Motherboard


• 2GB Corsair DDR2 800


• 2x 250 GB Sata WD 7200 rpm HDs in raid 0

…
and well.. all the rest, like gorgeous case, DVD burner, etc.

We talked about this a few weeks ago and we haven’t really agreed completely about ground rules to follow regarding the deal. For example the length of time without smoking? what would happen if he starts smoking again? and when will he stop smoking.

One day we were chatting and since we didn’t remembered the agreement real well, I started writing it down for him.

1. This is not for me. There is nothing I’m gaining from this, except maybe seeing you smile.


2. The objective it to motivate you from not smoking anymore.


3. I wanted you to stop smoking gradually, so I thought about a having a little time before actually ordering the computer so you have the chance to stop smoking gradually. You can set this amount of time at your own leisure. I’ll suggest a month or two.


4. The minute I invest in this deal is when the deal starts running. and the deal is:


5. You will stop smoking for at least a year (that is 365 days) from the minute we order the computer. Would make me and your body proud and thankful if it was for longer.


6. If you can’t uphold the deal for whatever reason. Stress, exams, death, etc. I would like to know in advance, I’m trusting you.

After this I asked him for some help on what to do if he can’t uphold the deal, after that hell broke loose, we argued some and then he said ” Once again, my part of the deal is not something I have a major problem with. Mostly because I do want to quit smoking and this could be the right motivation to finally do so. My problem is mostly with you making this an uncomfortable situation for both of us by complicating the process, therefor ripping apart the whole emotion behind getting a new computer.” to which I replied “… let me put it this way.. if when you get your new computer it is broken .. and doesn’t work.. that will make you sad and ripped off. Sadly, if we disagree in the rules and something goes wrong, I will feel the same. I just like to be proactive and figure out the quirks and details of what is going to be. Think of it as a pre-nuptial agreement. No one likes them, but you agree that it’s something that’s necessary to go thru sometimes.. (honestly i hate them)”

This is something that I have been told before in different situations, but I really don’t understand what’s so unhealthy about setting up some ground rules to work with, yes maybe it stripes it from some excitement, but it gives you a solid bedrock to work in.

What’s your take on this ? Do I have trust/control issues ? am I just a lawyer wannabe ? Would you do this ? if yes then how would you?

Don’t feel well. My throat hurts, like I had my whole life stuck in there and was too dry to swallow. I am miserable. To kill or to die. It’s my last chance of survival. I am going to do it. I will kill. Kill them all. Hope is gone, nothing is left for me here. She died. She fucking died by the hands of the corruption of the world, and now I’m left with this pain crawling thru my veins everysingle day. On every rose, with every dose, I feel her breath, I smell to her sweet scent.

It all happened before. I knew I was born with this fate. I was different, I always were the freak. One last time I’ll show them all who the freak is, one last time.

Last night I had an awesome dream. For some reason I was feeling good before going to sleep. Maybe it was the fact that I spoke to my exbf and he mentioned that he might be coming to Venezuela for good. Although I kinda tried to explain to him that he should stay there, I think there must be something that he’s not telling me about him coming back. He spoke about restaurant market in Venezuela booming. That made me feel good, seeign him again would be awesome. It also made me dream and well, had very different and conflicting emotions, but overall made me feel good.

I had this dream. Antonio was working in China at some manufacturing plant doing some sort of office job. I traveled to China, where my mom was living and stayed at her place, where she had this huge house, there was a room for me in the house. As soon as I arrived I walked around and saw this chinese restaurants and chinese food, it was very interesting but made me remember a compare it with Japan. I met with Antonio, and we went to a pool, we showered in the multiple showers, but he was faster than me undressing and I stayed behind, I had neon green coverse all stars and some other guy misplaced his pair and was looking for then and picking up everybody’s shoes and mixing them, it took me a while to sort them out when I finally went out I got stuck talking with the receptionist who was gay and was hitting on me. I had fun talking with him for a while and after a while Antonio came back from the pool, we talked briefly. I finally went to the pool. Then I was at my mom’s place and this cute teen arrived, seemed he was somehow family. I think my mom told me he was coming, cause she had told him that I liked computers. After he arrived we went to my mom’s room and started looking around, he seemed to know the place and started to tell me all the things he had found. After he was laying on my mom’s bed and said in a sexy and inviting voice, “I’m so hot for linux”, I was shocked and didn’t know how to answer. I ran away. I had to run thru this long and narrow path in the woods to get to my room, it was covered with grass and pine trees, and kittens.. lots and lots of gray newborn kittens, and I was trying to run as fast as I could, but I didn’t wanted to step on them, but there were patches of grey fur all over the place. I reached the end of the path, but there was this grey brick wall, and there was this huge group of kittens walking around in a tight formation with a huge black could right on top of them.

Antonio visited me at my mom’s place. He seemed to have been there before already. He stayed over. The next day he had to go to work and I wanted to go check the place where he worked so I went with him. Walking thru the streets of china was awesomely interesting. Everybody was dressed in green military outfits with the caps and everything. We were in a corner waiting for the traffic lights and Antonio was reading a newspaper, the guy at his right, a middleage tall guy with grey hair and unhappy face started complaining about something, neither of us understood but he kept on, I was worried they might start a fight, we started asking what was the problem in different languages and to the people around to see if someone could help. It semed that Antonio had elbowed him while reading. Antonio said he was sorry. The guy didn’t seemed to accept it well. Antonio didn’t mind, light changed and started walking to his work. I stayed behind and followed the guy, trying to explain how all of them are the same, but we are different, I gave up, and started to run, trying to catch up with Antonio. To no avail, he had already taken the train.

I arrived at his place of work. He was talking with some lady. She was telling him to do something. Afterwards he was complaining a bit about it. He started to tell me that they’ve asked him to fix some printers of something. It seemed like a nice place to work, everything clean and on it’s place. I wanted to work there too, to be close to him.

Wow.. after a couple days of hard work finally I got it working. Wow in linux. I need wine+cedega to be able to install and run. Also I needed to path the 0.9.13 install of wine to fix some mouse issues. So cool. <3 me !

Well, this is what I’ve been doing lately. After going thru a rough couple of daysm I started inmersing myself into linux world. It’s been an interesting ride, many many many things have changed in the last few years, it has evolved a lot along with it’s killer apps. Some things stay the same though, like compiling errors. But it’s usually somewhat easy to find posts in a forum from someone else that had the same problem.

Well, with the arrival of the new hard drive (WD2500KS 250GB) I’ve made tons of space to install lots and lots of stuff. I’ve been working with Gentoo the past few days and it’s been a breeze, asides from the ATI drivers which since are closed source from ATI (and spend half the time broken it seems) most things are working fine.

Let’s see…

Sager 8890 / Clevo D800P
Intel AC’97 Audio – Working (installed alsa in genkernel)
Intellimouse Explorer USB – Working (minus the scrollwheel)
ATI Technologies Mobility Radeon 9600 – Working (hangs when exiting Xserver)
Texas Instruments PCI1520 Cardbus – Working
Brooktree BT878 Video Capture/TV Tuner – Not tested
Silicon Image SIT 3113 SATA PCMCIA Card – Working
Cambridge Silicon Radio Bluetooth Dongle – Not Tested
Acer Warplink 802.11b Wireless miniUSB adapter – Not Installed
HP iPAQ Pocket PC – Not Tested
Trumpion Microelectronics USB SD/MMC Card reader – Working
Texas Instruments Firewire TSB43AB21 Controller – Not tested

Some programs that I’ve installed so far..
Superkaramba (kde widgets)
kdirstat (Directory statistics akin to Diskdata)
smb4k (samba for kde)
vmware (virtualization software)
xine (media player)
azureus (Bittorrent client)
mozilla firefox
drivel (livejournal graphical client)
Quake 4