Month: April 2003

It’s my birthday and it sucks ass… i hate it

Now the same ex boyfriend who was the topic about my last post told me to listen to this song.

I’m leaving on a jet plane

Now I hate him and I love him .. and I’m also crying.

My mother called me on the phone today.. I wanted to throw the phone against the wall, she’s the only one who knows how to make me loose my sanity and my calmness

I was pissed off with my ex. cause we chatted and he was braindead as his usual self is, (braindead and selfish). But then I went to take a bath .. and jacked off.. and then I chatted with Joey, who was online.. and we had a great time chatting .. and he was sweet .. and told me that I looked sexy today .. we talked about the other day at his home, I went for a visit .. and we ended up doing nasty things in the studio floor of his parent’s home. He told me about how much he enjoyed it and how much he likes me… I guess THIS is how it feels when you are with someone who REALLY likes you ..

Joey really elevated my mood, and he said the next time we’re together we’re gonna do some more nasty stuff ! 🙂

YAY .. hurray for nastiness

Have you ever felt like you hate someone so much you could rip him apart with your own hands but at the same time you loved him so much your heart ached every time he breaths?

How many times have i jacked off to date.

since 13 ( I was a late bloomer)

19 years of jacking off, probably in average once a day = 6935 times

priceless..

I hate technical project management. It sucks and it’s a lot of work and it’s boring.. I hate it !!

also..

I hope life gets better than this, cause it sucks so far. Too much work for very few happy moments.

Went to Boston today, It was fun. Skated all over the place, went to Quincy Market twice, to chinatown a few times and overall had some fun. Drank an iced tea and a liter of water. Ate at McD, one filet-o-fish, one double cheeseburger and one McChicken. Ate a cream cheese brownie (don’t ask) that was good.

Also visited some of the places I visited with Luis Antonio while we were there. Wow.. I saw this CUTE kids, to young for my age though… they must’ve been like 13.

Wasn’t able to do anything with the Japan Visa, cause I needed some extra documents, I’ll get them this week.

I just woke up, I’ve been dreaming all night about Luis Antonio, as if he was here and we were talking about him and his life. It hurted me freaming about talking about sex. He was telling me about who he was sex with and wether he likes it or not. Geee, I need to get over this, but I’m not sure if I want. 🙁

well, there is no other alternative anyways.

I’m feeling really sad now… I don’t know why.. but I hint maybe it’s cause I was expecting to have a nice talk today with my exbf, and we didn’t chat much. He was kinda busy doing his homework. I wanted to chat with him. On monday we talked on the phone and I felt really good. I miss him so much. I wish I could make people happy so they don’t leave me, but I’m not very good spreading joy when there is no much of it inside me. I’m depressed now, but usually I’m just in a neutral state.

Today I went to the shrink, we talked a lot, there were times I didn’t understood what she was saying, i just nooded, that happens a lot to me.