I arrived from the gym like an hour ago. Usually I don’t go or stay at the gym this late, but today I stayed home playing warcraft, and well.. Time passed by.
I sit here, thinking about that I feel lonely, but I know there are several people that I know that would love to go out with me, or talk or do whatever with me. But, I don’t feel like doing stuff with them all the time. I feel like I need something else. But it has happened that when I have that something else, It looses value fairly quickly and ends up boring me too.
So, what would it be ?.. what do I need ?.. I need to do something about the depression…
update : 10:25
I’m watching on HBO the movie Osmosis Jones, I like it ! 🙂
I just woke up from an awful nightmare, it seems I was staying at Luis Antonio’s home for some reason and at the moment noone was there. Suddenly Cesar (a guy I met in Mexico) arrived, he came to visit me. We were talking around and I was showing him what I’ve been doing lately and how much more muscle I’ve gained since I joined the gym. Later Luis Antonio and his family arrived, first his mom was complaining I let the pasta that was boiling in the kitchen dry out, it looked odd, cause it still had water in the pot, and a sponge floating on top.
After that I was looking out a window, and Cesar came from behind and hold me tight, I felt unconfortable, we talked for a while. I said that Luis Antonio after all wasn’t that beautiful. Later on Luis Antonio saw us and he made some comment, I tried to release from the hug. After that I was explaining to Luis Antonio’s parents that Cesar and I weren’t boyfriends and nothing happened while we were out, to which Cesar got upset and left. I stayed on the window looking for him, and I saw the bottom part of the builing we were on, it was a hotel, and lots of people were entering and exiting the place.
After a while Luis Antonio went into his room, and iI followed him, he went to the window and I came and hugged him from the back, we fell down to the bed, and I tried to kiss him, he was sucking on a lollipop, and I was able to taste the sweetness of it. At that moment I saw his face, it was full of a blister-like rash, I asked him about it and he told me he got it swimming in Cumaná (this was the climax of the nightmare). I don’t remember anything else.
Haven’t talked with him in a while. I miss having someone to talk to. Having someone to care about.
Gee.. I haven’t been writing daily in my journal, I must comply !
This is the first grade Kanji lesson:
kanji｜Hiragana｜ Romaji | meaning
一 → いち → ｉｃｈｉ → ｏｎｅ
右 → う → ｕ → ｒｉｇｈｔ
雨 → あめ → ａｍｅ → ｒａｉｎ
円 → えん → ｅｎ → ｙｅｎ，ｃｉｒｃｌｅ
王 → おう → ｏｕ → ｋｉｎｇ，ｒｕｌｅ，ｍａｇｎａｔｅ
音 → おん → ｏｎ → ｓｏｕｎｄ，ｍｕｓｉｃ
下 → か → ｋａ → ｄｏｗｎ，ｂｅｌｏｗ，ｄｅｓｃｅｎｄ
火 → か → ｋａ，ｈｉ→ ｆｉｒｅ
花 → か → ｋａ，ｋｅ→ ｆｌｏｗｅｒ
貝 → ばい → ｂａｉ → ｓｈｅｌｌｆｉｓｈ
学 → がく → ｇａｋｕ → ｓｔｕｄｙ，ｌｅａｒｎｉｎｇ，ｓｃｉｅｎｃｅ
Tired, need to sleep. Will keep on studying tomorrow.
Only blocks you see ?, Japanese Language support on your browser :
Absolutely nothing is going on.. nothing besides small advances in my research about neurotransmitters, and learning a little bit more of japanese… I wen’t to Belen’s home today, had a nice day, played warcraft a few times.. had a nice dinner with her, she’s a great friend and I’m very proud of her.
Yesterday actually I never made it to Belen’s home, instead José Luis finally convinced me about coming here. He stayed until 2:30 am, we talked about lots of things, and we played computer games, it was nice, he’s a nice guy, and it shows a lot that he likes me very much.
I don’t know what I need, inside of me sometimes everything stirs up, and I have a conflict that I don’t know how I am feeling, is it anxiety, stress, depression, hunger, nervousness.. what !? I’ve had this strange feeling inside most of the day.
Haven’t heard anything about Luis Antonio in a week or so, I still miss him very much.