8:30 I arrived from the gym like an hour ago. Usually I do


I arrived from the gym like an hour ago. Usually I don’t go or stay at the gym this late, but today I stayed home playing warcraft, and well.. Time passed by.

I sit here, thinking about that I feel lonely, but I know there are several people that I know that would love to go out with me, or talk or do whatever with me. But, I don’t feel like doing stuff with them all the time. I feel like I need something else. But it has happened that when I have that something else, It looses value fairly quickly and ends up boring me too.

So, what would it be ?.. what do I need ?.. I need to do something about the depression…

update : 10:25

I’m watching on HBO the movie Osmosis Jones, I like it ! 🙂


I just woke up from an awful nightmare, it seems I was staying at Luis Antonio’s home for some reason and at the moment noone was there. Suddenly Cesar (a guy I met in Mexico) arrived, he came to visit me. We were talking around and I was showing him what I’ve been doing lately and how much more muscle I’ve gained since I joined the gym. Later Luis Antonio and his family arrived, first his mom was complaining I let the pasta that was boiling in the kitchen dry out, it looked odd, cause it still had water in the pot, and a sponge floating on top.

After that I was looking out a window, and Cesar came from behind and hold me tight, I felt unconfortable, we talked for a while. I said that Luis Antonio after all wasn’t that beautiful. Later on Luis Antonio saw us and he made some comment, I tried to release from the hug. After that I was explaining to Luis Antonio’s parents that Cesar and I weren’t boyfriends and nothing happened while we were out, to which Cesar got upset and left. I stayed on the window looking for him, and I saw the bottom part of the builing we were on, it was a hotel, and lots of people were entering and exiting the place.

After a while Luis Antonio went into his room, and iI followed him, he went to the window and I came and hugged him from the back, we fell down to the bed, and I tried to kiss him, he was sucking on a lollipop, and I was able to taste the sweetness of it. At that moment I saw his face, it was full of a blister-like rash, I asked him about it and he told me he got it swimming in Cumaná (this was the climax of the nightmare). I don’t remember anything else.

Haven’t talked with him in a while. I miss having someone to talk to. Having someone to care about.

Gee.. I haven’t been writing daily in my journal, I must com

Gee.. I haven’t been writing daily in my journal, I must comply !

This is the first grade Kanji lesson:
kanji|Hiragana| Romaji | meaning
一 →   いち → ichi → one
右 →   う  → u    → right
雨 →   あめ → ame  → rain
円 →   えん → en   → yen,circle
王 →   おう → ou   → king,rule,magnate
音 →   おん → on   → sound,music
下 →   か  → ka   → down,below,descend
火 →   か  → ka,hi→ fire
花 →   か  → ka,ke→ flower
貝 →   ばい → bai  → shellfish
学 →   がく → gaku → study,learning,science

Tired, need to sleep. Will keep on studying tomorrow.

Only blocks you see ?, Japanese Language support on your browser :

Absolutely nothing is going on.. nothing besides small advan

Absolutely nothing is going on.. nothing besides small advances in my research about neurotransmitters, and learning a little bit more of japanese… I wen’t to Belen’s home today, had a nice day, played warcraft a few times.. had a nice dinner with her, she’s a great friend and I’m very proud of her.

Yesterday actually I never made it to Belen’s home, instead José Luis finally convinced me about coming here. He stayed until 2:30 am, we talked about lots of things, and we played computer games, it was nice, he’s a nice guy, and it shows a lot that he likes me very much.

I don’t know what I need, inside of me sometimes everything stirs up, and I have a conflict that I don’t know how I am feeling, is it anxiety, stress, depression, hunger, nervousness.. what !? I’ve had this strange feeling inside most of the day.

Haven’t heard anything about Luis Antonio in a week or so, I still miss him very much.