Day: July 25, 2002

I’ve been going over what I wrote yesterday about José Luis, I think rather than him causing and effect on me, it’s probably mostly from my depression, sometimes I do get bored of people and I do need to be alone, it happens to me with everybody, I need to dig deeper into this…

Went to the DEX (where the government process your identity card), they told me I have to go to he one in “el centro” (downtown), I don’t wanna go there, i’ll try going to another office of the dex next thursday.

I’m getting bigger and stronger I believe, I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror and I look bigger, I’m happy for that and I wanna keep going to the gym, not only here but when I start college, I believe Johnson & Wales University has fitness center and a pool, also they have several sports clubs, although I’ve never been too good at sports.

I received news from Johnson & Wales University, they said that the credentials evaluator is on vacation and he/she will review my file next week !!!

Okay.. this is weird.. Last night I had an ear ache, I think I have an infection in my right ear canal (external acoustic meatus), and I couldn’t sleep very well, I woke up like at 7am and I thought about going to the gym early, I went to sleep again and ended up waking at noon, soon after José Luis called me, we were supposed to go today to try on new eyeglasses for him, and I was going to take him to the shop where I bought mines. So we ended up agreeing to meet at 4pm at the gym where I’ve been going. Instead of me going early to the gym I decided to play neverwinter and talk on the phone and I ended up leaving home at 3:30 pm or so.. I thought, well, I can always go to the gym after meeting with José Luis and looking for eyeglasses.. Well, I arrived at 4:30 pm and we went to the shop and he tried on a lot of eyeglasses, and after we were done we ended up eating cinnamon rolls in a fast food place. After a while, I was feeling uncomfortable and I felt like I have been with him enough already and I decided it was time for me to go, so I told him I was going to the gym, to which he reacted weird, I thought he didn’t wanted me to go, and I tried to say goodbye but he followed me to the gym. When I tried to open the door it was closed, I had fogotten the close at 5pm on festivities. At that moment I felt really bad, because of two things, first because I coudn’t go to the gym and 2nd beause I was going to be stuck with him for the rest of the day. He’s a nice guy and everything, but I feel uneasy when I’m around him, I can’t explain why.

I ended up going with José Luis to Peter’s house and helping Peter with his computer, it was a visit I had to do, because I’ve been not paying too much attention to Peter lately. After that we ended up going together to a “carrito de parrillas” and eating there the three of us.

I understand how sometimes, when you don’t like someone 100% you can push yourself to be with that person and even to have sex with that person just for the things you can get from him, I have no alternate interests in him, and I’m not a person who is willing to be with someone based on interests alone, and probably even though I find him a very interesting person, I don’t feel like I want to be around him all the time.

I undestand this sounds like being evil, and I don’t want to be, but that’s how I feel and I can’t deny it.