fuk the subject

Again I miss Luis Antonio, it’s been only one week since the last time we talked, and that day gave me strenght to understand that it wasn’t worth it to fight alone, or even consider hope in something that can’t be done on my own. I’m alone in this, it’s not even a fight, the fight was over the day he took that plane. He doesn’t thinks about me (i can’t prove this), he doesn’t remember about me (i asked him if he “did you thought yesterday about me?”, he answered “yesterday…mmm.. no”), he doesn’t care about me (in 8 months he hasn’t called once, when I asked him, he told me he doesn’t have money and he didn’t wanted to call collect). I could wait, I could be there for him, I could be there when he’s sad, i could be there when he’s lonely (at least thru messenger), but.. I don’t want to waste my life doing that, it’s not worth it. He hasn’t showed himself worth of my love and friendship, I mean. Even if I love him so much to keep myself from going on and making him part of the past. It would be a waste of time, not because of him, but because of me, I would be wasting my possibilities of something better for me. All this have showed me that I need to dedicate my life to something else, “love” and “relationships” doesn’t cut it for me. I still need to find that something else… GEE.. I don’t even understand what I am wrting.. fuck.. and there is a fly walking all over the screen .. I want to cry..

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