Month: August 2005

Like… I was thinking… I’m gay right… and like some, if not all my gay friends have had not the best relationship with their father as a child. Having a distant father might have affected their sexual orientation? Are they craving a male figure because of their lack of male parental contact? mmm.. I?m not sure, but I’m sure cock tastes good !

So.. after drinking a whole 2 lts bottle of coke by myself I’m now filled with beautiful neurotoxins that stimulate the need I have to talk nonsense. Yeah, that?s right…

Well, let’s see had a 3 hour conversation with my ex, he seems tired with all the work and school he’s doing, well it seems all my exs are working now.. wait.. no that’s not true.. well eventually it will be Muahahhahahahaha…

We had an interesting conversation. One thing that stood out was the talk about saunas… hheheh I just love to talk about sex.

After that had a long chat with luke, was very interesting to say the least and very enlighting. Him like me had been hiding fears behind a shadow of reason. Traitor reason that enslaves my soul to sadness.

I was reading news and got to charmed’s LJ and read the few posts he’s had over the past months ever since I came back to Caracas. He seemed so excited about life and stuff, and then Kuma died. After that, not much more. Withdrawal from public eye? Mourning? Sadness? Loss..

Like I told him once. I can’t begin to grasp the concept of what happened. Yeah, I miss Kuma, he was a friend. He used to call me quite often and we had meaningful conversations and what I said mattered. He demonstrated appreciation, and that was wonderful and made me enjoy inmensely his conversations. Sure I miss him heaps, but until the day one of my ex’s die, specially the ones I’ve loved the most, I won’t understand the pain, the void and the loss that’s in charmed’s heart.

I’m sorry. I can’t help more than I’ve had. No experience, no emphaty.

On a related note. If you whore don’t come and visit me soon. I’m gonna go there and kick ur ass all the way here. Dammit.

And yeah, I?m high on sugar and caffeine. Long live drugs.

And third there was Freud’s discovery of the “unconscious” – the idea that even though we claim to be in charge of our destinies, most of our behaviour is governed by a cauldron of motives and emotions which we are barely conscious of. Your conscious life, in short, is nothing but an elaborate post-hoc rationalisation of things you really do for other reasons.

So true. Yet makes me feel less in charge on life. Because why then try to rationalize your behavior instead of just going with the gut feeling? Seems like if the gut feeling will always win anyhow and the rationalization will be just a mere autopsia.

Hello boys and girls !!!
(crowd cheers)
It’s that time of the week again
(crowd goes wild)
for the, Use-that-word-in-your-life-context game.
The word of the day is:
DISREGARD

Let’s see how we can use that word :

I hate it and it’s getting really old how my friend disregards me everytime we communicate.
(applause)

Now, boys and girls lets see what the word disregard means…

disregard
tr.v.
To pay no attention or heed to; ignore.
To treat without proper respect or attentiveness.

n.
Lack of thoughtful attention or due regard.

(crows wows)

Yeah, boys and girls that sounds like a meanie meanie word. It’s used when someone does not pay attention to you, often ignores you or does not take in account your feelings, needs or interests. Also when they don’t stand by the offers they make, and put other people/situations in place of you time and time again.

(crowd laugh)

Well, word-aholics, we ran out of time for today. Until next time.. and remmeber…

Don’t be a good boy, it’s not worth it at all.

(standing ovation)

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So.. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. I guess due to several reasons, including the unearthing of my LJ by a friend, my lack of desires to do anything at all, my hyperfocus on Wow and the debilitating emotional infusion I’ve been submitted in. Yeah, that’s true. Queer as folk, funny that I liked the 12th episode of the 5th season after Kuma told me it was uneventful. I mainly liked it cause it reminded me of the first season and about what is a gay relationship like. The little things people have to deal with. The jealosy of Emmet, the possesivity of Ted’s new bf, the slight misstep of emmet’s football star bf. All that crap that it’s so unimportant for the rest of the world but when it happens to you makes your world rattle and shatter.

It was a rather disturbing period when he, abruptly focused on himself selfishly ignored the world that sorrunded him, him as an object of desire contributed to fuel the ethereal glow of pain that separated both twins. They should be together, the battlemaster said. But it’s no use, they are not twins anymore. Time, history, pain and lust made them both too different to concurr in sharing their seeds for the sake of the eternal flame fire. I need your seed, the warlock said. I can taste it on my lips. But it was no use, they never, ever shared the soul connection again.

Yeah, as sad as it sounds. But I’m afraid it’s true. I?m not too excited about things to come. What would come? Besides a whole pile of fucking nothingness!

More people dying. That’s a bunch now.

Sunday. Peter was here, we were on my bed talking while I was browsing the net on my PPC. He got a phone call. Was his sister to tell him that their mother died. He was obviously confused onw what to feel. Anger, sadness, greed and confusion all convoluted in his mind. He left, I ate the cookies. Will call him later.

Novios. Nosivo. Lol… not correctly spelled, but you catch my drift.

The lottery has been knoking to my door, or more like calling on the phone to invite me to share the steam of nakedness. Should I? Temptation of the unknown. Emotionless discouragement.