Well, I know I haven’t updated my LJ in a LONG time. I think that sometimes, when something kinda shocking happens in my life, or when I do something I kinda feel ashamed of, then I stop updating in order to try forget about the whole thing.
The other day I went to visit my “brother”, it’s this guy whom I’ve been friends for a LONG time, well, not REALLY like close friends, but we used to chat on the phone daily and enjoy a nice time doing it.
He went to visit my city a few years ago, and we kinda fooled around, and I kinda enjoyed that time.
The other day though, I went to visit him, and I wasn’t sure if I’d wanted to fool around again. When I got there, he was kinda busy all the time with his job and computer to pay too much attention to me, we went to a market, which was dirty and smelly, and then ordered pizza and ate, I was very tired and it was raining so I decided to spend the night there. While he was busy working I entertained myself talking on the phone with his bf, a 15 year old kid, very sweet and seemed to be very innocent.
I went to sleep like at 1am, and after being sleeping for a while, i was woke up by him cuddling next to me, it felt warm and nice, but of course the cuddling increased it’s pace continously until we were both naked rubbing out bodies together and kissing passionatly, but, I was not there, I was on automatic, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, I stopped it several times, and said something in regards to his bf and how bad it is cheating, but he didn’t cared. He said he was not sexual with his bf and stuff. It still felt very wrong for me, and I felt very unconfy of the whole situation. He ended up jacking off on my chest, and after that we went to sleep. Next morning we woke up and continued the fooling around. Still, it didn’t felt good. I felt crappy about it, and now .. 3 days later, i still feel crappy about it, I haven’t called him or messaged him on MSN, and he hasn’t either.