Month: July 2002

This is a backdate post, referring to the day I went out to The Flower (disco) with Luis Antonio’s little brother again, his girlfriend and a female friend. It was nice, but at the end we weren’t able to go in the disco because they were underage. We ended up going to Buddha Tronic and staying there for a while and after that we took them home and Luis Luis and me went to The Flower again. We danced for a while but we got bored early, and we ended up going home at around 5:30 or so.

New day, new wierd day.

When I finally woke up, at 2pm or so, I ended up talking on the phone for hours with Kumashy, ‘s boyfriend. We had a very nice conversation, that lasted for hours, we ended up talking about mostly everything, his relationship, my past and his, and lost of other things. He was very thoughful and insightful and seemed like a down to earth person that I am sure that will bring important and needed things to ‘s life. I can finally say that I am happy they are boyfriends, because now that I know him, I’m sure he was a very good choice.

Today I didn’t wanted to go out with anyone, but finally José Luis managed to get me invited to go to have lunch, and well, we ended up eating a ton of food in a café in Las Mercedes. The meal was nice. After that we went to buy some office supplies that he needed, and when we were done I gave hiim a ride to a friend’s house. When we arrived, he asked me to come in, and he had it planned, he gave me like a ton of presents, everything japanese, a course guide, posters, magazines and even pencils and a work book.

After that we started talking and he told me many things, among them he told me about how much he loved me and how important I was for him. He even gave me another present, he gave me his watch (I took it with me when I went to Mexico, and it served me very much while I was there), he was extremely special with me and showed me how much he cared about me.

We talked about the things that are bothering him in his life, and about friendship, love, cause and effect.

I hope he ended up feeling much better, I did, he made me feel loved and cared about. He’s a very nice guy, very caring and loving, someone who’s been hurt and values friendship.

I don’t even know how many days have passed already, it’s like when I’m in love.. I loose track of time and space.. don’t know what I’ve been doing.. don’t know how I feel anymore… I’m on the verge of tears but don’t know for sure the reason. It seems like everything wen’t downhill, don’t know since when… I don’t feel happy, I can’t cry … although I want to.. my tears aren’t coming out.

I feel lonely, but I don’t want to be around people, not even around my friends. Sometimes I make excuses just so I can stay home.

Having to wait for the acceptance from Johnson & Wales is a two edged sword, on one side I feel anxious because I don’t know if I am going to be accepted (I *think* I am going to be accepted, but how can I know?), and on the other side, being accepted will mean leaving Venezuela, and that’s the last thread of hope that Luis Antonio and I will be back together. Although it’s something that my brain tells me as a BIG NO-NO, my heart stills aches for him, I miss him so much, it’s incredible… (he finds it stupid that I still miss him, he told me that 1st I was like the girl in fatal attraction and 2nd He’s happy he’s not dead because I would’ve never let his soul rest) . Well, I feel like loosing breath when I think about cutting that last thread of hope.

Even his own brother told me that I should not even consider not going to college because Luis Antonio supposedly might come back to Venezuela.

Also I miss very much, he hasn’t been online, he hasn’t wrote in his journal in a long time, he hasn’t called, and he hasn’t anwered my calls. Although I understand him, because he is under the spell of love, I still miss him.

I feel lonely, there is noone to talk to that I know. Noone to call at 3:30 am … I don’t feel like sleeping, I don’t feel like playing computer games, there is no food to eat, I already drank more than enough water, I jacked off already too. I sound pathetic… I wanna be happy.. I’ve wished this so many times… since I was a little boy, I’ve consistently asked for the same wish evertime I toss a coin into a well. The wish have always been “I want to be happy”, well… I’m still waiting..

I am scared.. of me.. of people.. everybody hurts.. sometime.. they end up hurting.. always..

I finally bought my new eyeglasses today. They were rather cheap compared to what I thought I was gonna pay, and the best part of it is that they were the ones I liked the most. I’m still waiting for the documents to reach Johnson & Wales University.

Nice day, looking for a new pair of eyeglasses. I need to buy them so I can get the driver’s license when I go to school. I finally sent all the documents to the university today. After two months everything came down to this day, and now I just have to wait, I expect to be accepted by school.

There haven’t been much drama in my life lately, I would like to keep it this way. Simple. Gym, dreams, goals, food. Soon I will include school in the picture and hopefully japanese classes too.

I keep on trying.
New goals.
Old ones, go to the shelf.
Never forgotten, but unable to be accomplished.
Kanashimi. Kanashii. Kanashimu
Ai. Sabishigaru. Koishigaru ai.
Nostalgia. Recuerdo. Costumbre.
Tiempo.

Kousei –>　後世　-> Life to come

I’ve been doing okay lately, not much happening in my life besides translating, translating and translating. The usual, the gym, the chinesse restaurant.. I might go to a rave on august 3rd. weeeeeeeeee !

Enrique’s doctor told him he’l have to stop going to the gym for the next 20 days. That sucks because it was very cool to go the gym wtith him. I’m gonna miss him.

Moodwise I’ve been doing okay lately, I just got sad on the weekend, but nothing really out of proportion.

Been translating the whole day, can’t sleep, drank too much coca-cola.

I realized I don’t have to spend a fortune having the documents for the University translated, because I was never asked for certified translations. So I can just translate them myself and send them. Hopefully this week. Yay.. no $400 out of my pocket for lousy translations. Yay !

Ｈａｊｉｍｅ　ｍａｓｈｉｔｅ。Ｗａｔａｓｈｉ　ｎｏ　ｎａｍａｅ　ｗａ　Ａｒａｎｇｕｒｅｎ　Ｒｕｉｓｕ　ｄｅｓｕ。
始めまして。私の　名前　わ　アラングレン　ルイス　です。
How do you do?.My name is Luis Aranguren.

Another day spent almost entirely playing Neverwinter Nights and eating spaguetti with tuna sauce. I haven’t handed in the documents to the translator, I need to do that as soon as possible, although he told me we wasn’t going to work on weekends so I though about just waiting till monday morning to give the papers to him.