Gym ?.. what gym.. + Falling again

After yesterday’s party today I woke up kinda late, and of course it was too late to go to the gym with Enrique. Gee, what a great way to start my new endeavour that not going. Oh well, I can start tomorrow better, and I this way I won’t feel sleepy like I do today.

I feel like I would like to talk with Luis Antonio, but I kinda feel too that it won’t be such a nice talk anyways. I don’t know if it’s from being angry, envious, mad, jealous or what, but everytime I talk with him and he tells me how great he’s doing and how wonderful are the things he is doing I feel horrible, and then I know he doesn’t even care to think about me at those moments, so what’s the whole point in talking with him at this point, I guess that (and it’s not even what I want real deep inside, because what I want real deep inside is to love him and be with him and be loved back) I need to take him out of my system, just like how I did with Update [17:42|06/19/2002]: Due to requested clarification, I wanted to note that taking someone of my system means, that it doesn’t HURT anymore what that person does, I still love with all my heart, and in my mind he’s one of the most special persons that have crossed my path, BUT now it doesn’t hurt anymore what he do or who he dates or who he… and give him another status in my life, the moment I can do that, is the moment I will be looking at him as a friend again. What I am afraid of is loosing him altogether, as a boyfriend(lost), as a lover(lost) and as a friend.

Also all this comes from his lack of principles, how can people be so cheap to sell their souls this easily. Maybe it’s just that for me it’s been fairly easy in many ways. But remember Luis, it’s not just that he wanted to go to college so, he had no other options but to sell himself. He was looking for it, he was happy with it, and he had conversations with them for months. So whatever happened it’s not my problem anymore, my problem is here, with me.. my problem is my happiness and no more it’s besides him basically because he doesn’t want it anymore, and I need to understand that, and forget about him.

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