Author: pizzaman

I’ve been having a cold for the last few days, It’s worrying me because I don’t want to go to J & T’s house with a cold. I’m pretty excited I am going there for vacation, and although I can’t assure that everything is going to be fine, I’m really hoping I will have a great time and deepen the friendships I’ve already grown with Jon & Tyler.

Sometimes when I say things like I’m excited about something, or that I react enthusiasticly about something, although in my brain I wish that reaction will show for the outside world to see, it doesnt. Usually my physicall expression is, well.. not very expressive.

Today, most of the day I stayed indoors, playing with my pc. In the evening I watched a movie I dowloaded a few weeks ago called “My big fat greek wedding”, after that James (my new roomate) was bored and we decided to go to the movies, we ended up watching “Empire” and “Analyze That”. I’m not feeling completely well because I going thru a cold and also I have this big pimple on my face.

I’ve never too sure about anything, so it’s not like if I was counting 100% on the co-op opportunity in the Radisson @ Tokyo, but thanks to that it made me rethink that there might be thousands of good opportunities out there. For example I was looking at the www.nvidia.com website and there is quite some information about co-op opportunities. I should start making a list of what, where and when.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks, I haven’t been feeling at my best, but I just woke up with more hope and with a better mood.

I had good news to share. A few weeks ago I went to an OPT (Optional Practical training, 1 year of work training that international students might apply to do) meeting in there I met this nice lady, she is from the Co-op (paid internships) office, when I first met her, I briefly told her about my plans and the fact that I was studying japanese, and I would like to go to Japan for my Co-op or maybe after my OPT.She was very excited about the idea and I happened to meet her a couple hours later where she told me that she was actively searching for my international opportunity.

A fews weeks passed and a couple of days ago I met her again by chance and briefly told her that I’ve sent my application for the Co-op a few weeks ago and it hasn’t been reviewed yet. I waited a couple of days and went to visit her, and she told me about this opportunity for working at the IT department of the Radisson hotel in Tokyo, I think it’s the Radisson Hotel Narita Airport 「ラディソンホテル成田エアポート」. I’m pretty excited about it.

Some reading I did today lead me to the common thought of “life sucks and then you die”. Not very original but true, at least sometimes .. I guess.

I saw 3 movies tonight, not like if anyone cares.. I saw Die another day, Equillibrium and Wes Craven They. I went with my roomate, he’s nice. The movies were okay.

I’m having awful dreams. Nothing that I would like to remember when I wake up.

Okay day .. I guess.. didn’t died . So I guess it’s okay.

I’m afraid of so many things.

I feel so lonely sometimes.. It makes me feel sad, I’m afraid noone will ever love me. I’m afraid I am too ugly. Too stupid at times. I’m afraid because of my depression, that I will drive people awa from me.

I’m afraid that since I’m not attractive enough, I will never find someone ( who is attractive enough among many other things ) to love me.

I’m afraid I need to be loved. I’m scared. It makes me feel sad and confused. Sometimes I cry, for no reason.

I want to be kissed, by someone I love. There is noone I love that can/want to kiss me.

I’m afraid noone has ever really loved me except my mom maybe.