Fucked

Sooo.. I’m pissed, or frustrated, or just angry.. or something I dont know ho to describe. My head hurts, my ass is sweaty, I hear ringing on my ears. Can’t get naked cause my roomate might arrive anytime. I can hear the noise of a radio full blast, it annoys the hell out of me. I feel like venting, but have noone to talk with unless I want to be reminded that I’m the black sheep, different from everybody else, thus unlovable. My head is pounding, my stomach swollen, I wish I could sleep, but my brain is buzzing. I feel guilty. Told my roomate today that I have issues sharing my room and I didn’t though his stay was gonna be longer than he initially told me. I ate a burger for luch, also had a couple beers, gluten galore. I’m tired. Haven’t relaxed in a couple weeks. Haven’t slept well either. I shouldn’t have agreed to have him here if I was unsure I could handle it. My room smells different. My cough wont go. I haven’t had this kinda cough for a couple years. Why are people always reminding me of my problems? I wish there was 1 person that I could look up to. I havent been this angry in a long long time. I feel anger boiling inside of me. I’m too tired to burst though. Too tired to care. Why older pics of myself always look better than I remmebered. Remember going with kip to eat kimchee. One of those guys that are nice, but gets on my nerves. Can’t explain why. I remmeber yelling at him “Don’t Fucking Touch Me”. Sleeping pills would be so good now. Shutting off from fecal world.

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