Shrinking

On moday I’m going to my 3rd appointment with a psychiatrist. I initially started going because I thought I might have ADD. Seems he is rather leaning to depression, which is rather obvious that I have. I was already diagnosed with it back in Miami and I didn?t wanted to follow thru with the drug treatment ( due to the sexual side effects it had on me ).

It’s funny how for the longest time I’ve put up with whatever I’ve had. Like that runny nose that u have, and you know you have, but you tend to forget about it and focus your energies on something else.

For so many years, so many people have told me to seek help. I’m not sure why, maybe cause I’m different, maybe unique, excentric perhaps or maybe just plain weird. The thing is that I’m mostly unhappy with events in my life.

I find it rather interesting that I read so many posts in LJ from people that are rather happy from the help that drugs are giving them in their day to day lives, I wonder myself would this work ? would this time things be different ? and I ask myself … What am I looking for? … I .. want to .. be happy ! not all the time.. but I wanna be able to enjoy.. the things that are enjoyable, to be excited that LL are here, sitting besides me while I write this, but I am not, I?m emotionless ? I think.. what am I feeling? well not much.

On moday I’ll get and EEG done and if everything works out fine, he will prescribe me something. I’m not particularly interested in taking drugs, I.. just wanna be normal, so people can love me.