Month: May 2005
So I’m Sad. the guy I didnt wanted to go to the theater with stood me up,I’m glad, although still annoyed. Well, he’s the one who wanted to go in the first place, and I didn’t cared much about it.
But well I’m sad.
Err… this post is pointless because Ihaven’t done anything major lately
30th… and the 34th..
So.. Two days ago it was my birthday..
Although honestly I wanted to stay in Baquisimeto hanging out with
I took the bus back from Barquisimeto at 12:45 am for the ~5 hour trip. The last couple hours were spent talking in a car with
This is something that has happened throught my life, people have joked about the way I am. Maybe the fact that I laugh about it, and have a honest desire to find out what and why they think what they think does not help much. Well.. the conclusion was that I am weird. Whatever that means, and however that helps or damages myself in other people’s eyes.
At midnight they both hugged me, I wish I had been with each other by themselves, or they’ve been together without me. It was fun though, although not as warm as I would’ve like it to be.
One ramdom thought that I haven’t been able to fully understand is.. I felt guilt of going out with
I was cooking.. and I thought..
Yes, while I was there I was trying to hide the fact that I was very eager to go out with
That’s another thing I’ve been thinking about.. Do I like him a little bit too much?.. I guess I do.. and is that a bad thing ?.. Yes it is … it’s just like with my ex.. I develop such a crush on people that it hurts, and it ain’t healthy. Mmmhh.. that’s beacuse I have nothing better to do, really …. If I was busy, I wouldn’t have the time or interest in thinking too much about others. But.. I guess it’s normal, I mean I’ve always been in love with him, I saw him after 3 years, spent some time with him and enjoyed a it a lot. I guess it was expected.
Well… after I arrived at Caracas I took a cab home, I was full of energy and very excited about my weekend. It was my birthday, after a few hours in Caracas I started to get sad, and I kinda regretted coming back or at least not convincing charmed to come to Caracas with me. I felt alone, again.. without that close friend at my side. Later in the evening my exbf’s mother called, she said she was going to come, so she and her husband and my ex’s little brother came and we had cake and talked for a while. It was fun, although my ex’s brother asked me what was going on and why I looked so sad.
After everybody had cake and talked their asses off, ELB* and me went out, he was in the mood to party and I wanted to do something and not let my birthday slip by unnoticed. We tried to go into LOFT (centro comercial san ignacio) but I was wearing sneakers and t-shirt. So in the end we ended up going into a gay bar called in&out. Crappy place. But we had fun and drank a lot, he was into some girl that we ended up stalking.
After coming back from the disco, we started joking around going to the beach, as we joked more and more the idea seemed less crazy, specially for him, and he ended up convincing me. Like at 3am we went to his place, to pick his swimsuit, while we were there.. I was so drunk and it was soo dark that I bumped into a wall and got a bump on my forehead. I was falling asleep half of the drive there, and the fact that he was speeding most of the time didn’t bothered me that much, althought there were times when I got kinda scared. We arrived to the beach at 7am and we had to wait for a while to take the boat that would take us to out final destination, playa caracolito.
I got sunburnt, I’m red all over .. we drank some wine.. and horsed around on the water, I had a lot of fun.. well.. I have to go ..
*Ex’s Little Brother
Last time with Antonio
The time before the last that I saw
Special note for Antonio:
Antonio ya habremos llegado a nuestros destinos al momento de que leas esto. Te quiero decir que siento un agradecimiento inmensamente grande por tu demostración de cariño. No pude expresar cuanto me emocionó el poder verte otra vez. Sábes que te amo, no puedo esconderlo. No me sentí solo a tu lado. Sentí que volvía a tener a una pareja. A alguien a quien amo a mi lado. Tanto como te amo estoy feliz, porque he visto que al lado de Kuma un Antonio más sensible, vulnerable, frágil ha aparecido. Estoy orgulloso que hayas conseguido a alguien que te ame, que te respete y que quiera enfrentarse al mundo a tu lado. Que bonito el cariño que demuestras que le tienes, como cuando ves su foto y rozas la yema de tu dedo por el borde. Te deseo mucha suerte con él.
It’s funny how my feelings for him have never changed in the last 8 years.
So.. yeah .. I haven’t been updating much. Lately I haven’t been feeling like writing, sometimes too much going on.. sometimes too little. But one thing is true.. I love
But many things have changed, for one, he’s deeply in love with
I enjoyed so much spending time with him. We talked and talked and talked and talked, we played CounterStrike (he was pwned), I owe getting a Wow account so I can play with him, we smoked like whores, we ate outside and at his place, although I don’t remember watching him eat. I stared at him so much, and we slept together, as in sleeping, although I got to hug him for hours and hours while he was sleeping, it’s incredible the enjoyment I obtain from that, for me it’s just priceless.
He was very reserved at times, not watching me while I removed my clothes, but I know he was doing it on purpose. Also not changing clothes in front of me and stuff like that. I guess for me time doesn’t pass the same as for others, and well.. I enjoyed. There were very tense moments as well, all because of our main topic of conversation, his ex boyfriend.
I’ve been interested in meeting his exbf
well.. maybe.. someday.. and stuff… be his husby stuff.