rant…

Since noone ever reads my journal anyway…

This is going to be a random post of weird thoughts just because I want, currently being written on my Pocket PC. Mighty Hp iPAQ 4350.

Lets see.. I’m horny, and not your typical every day horny, but since most of the times I’ve had sex had been in LTR I deeply miss intimacy, like hugging and cuddling or having someone to take shower with, that sorta thing… Maybe u sluts out there won’t understand. I hope someday I get to slut around too, sounds fun. I think I’m getting more drawn into furry fandom… Like, now I’m downloading videos of guys jacking off in fursuits, although they are not completely my kinda thing, still my #1 fantasy is airbrushing like www.beastpaint.com. If anyone out there wants to try it out with me I’ll be most pleased.

Still I’m getting stupid stomach discomfort. I thought removing gluten, but well maybe it was the DMSA or something, but again my tummy is fucked up.

Robbie invited me to go to the peel tonight, I had to lie and tell him like 3 different versions cause I was feeling so crappy. Damn I hate to fart every 10 seconds.

I’ve been chatting with this guy for like the last 3 weeks, he’s soo sweet he seems it have had very bad luck with guys, like the average gay guy, and he just wants to make friends, he seems to be into cuddling and hugging a lot, and I haven’t had that in such a long time that I can’t stop being excited about meeting him. We promised to each other we won’t have sex, but we’ll kiss, cuddle and shower together… Aww I’m so sweet… I want a BF..

Now, well the reason I can’t have a BF is that, well… Things have changed.. I used to be very carefree, but after my last relationship (the one that totally and royally fucked me over in every sense of the word) I feel worthless, and it’s not entirely false, cause like you know.. I’m 33, but I don’t have that much to offer in terms of stability and security.. I mean, I can’t even stay in Australia permanently yet, so who in their right mind would want to go thru this? We’ll.. Maybe I would, but I’m not in my right mind.

I’ve been jacking off daily for 20 years, OMG that’s 7000 orgasms, wow and my dick is till firmly attached, that’s amazing, especially because I pull on the thing real hard.

Wow, writing this much nonsense is real fun, I should do this everynight instead of chatting. That brings me to another thing, I spend so much time chatting is incredible, I mean.. People come and go and I’m there, online… I really have this serious addiction, It’s hard to cut though cause my computer is my lifeline, I do everything on my PC.. so I’m there all the time..

First time I’ve used Pocketword and it’s not as bad as I thought, has a bunch of options.

Been going to the gym for the last few days, it’s cool, didn’t go today cause I was feeling crappy.

What do I want in life.. We I don’t know how to do many things, like… I could work on a kitchen, but I will never really get that good at it. That’s sorta a big problem that I have, I sorta never get REALLYgood at anything, like with puters for example, I can sorta impress the computer illiterate sometimes, but I don’t really know shit about computers at all… You know … Like I don’t even know how to forge a stupid packet, how lame is that.. I think I will always be a script kiddie… All this leads me to, what do I want to do with my life.. Well .. I like puters.. And I would like to sorta manage a network, I think that’s sorta my dream, to work in a company that has a huge ass network and everything is well setup and I get to learn stuff. So if anyone out there is looking for cheap labour and have or know anyone that has a network, I’m ur man…

OMG I can talk shit when I let loose.

I hate not having a washing machine, damn, I don’t like walking 5 blocks to pay for laundry, damn is so fucking expensive, next time i’m gonna skate like 8 blocks and go to the cheap laundromat.

Furry erotic art…*drools*.. It’s good…

I wonder why for the past few years I’ve been drawn into furry stuff, I feel so good and free with animals, like I can hug and play with dogs and cats and I KNOW they are not fucking lying bastards that are faking emotions based on crap. They are sincere, basic simple emotions.. Fear, happiness, hunger, u know… I can understand those soo well.. But when it comes to the I wear a versace suit cause… I don’t understand those emotions at all.. Fuck..

I’m so into myself, when I feel crappy I can’t look at people in the eye. I can’t talk, I can’t think.. I just idle…

I don’t know myself.. I’ve never known myself and I’ve never been able to have insight and understand me, that’s why it took me 22 years to figure out I liked guys.. Not cock, guys.. Cocks are just an added bonus.

I like this apartment a lot it’s small, but so quiet, and I open my blinds I can see my own lamp post, all night.. And some trees, but it’s nice still..

Roelo said that he had to defend myself from his friends, I know I’m weird so it’s not surprise that I’ critizised by the I’M SO COOL people. What do I care.

OH, BTW Fuck LA, stupid cunt.

So I want to make some changes in my life, like I’m happy a lot of times, I just say i’m depressed but that’s not entirely true, I do loads of things I enjoy, I should just, spend less time online and do other things as well.

I’m ranting about being online and I just spent the last hour writing all this.. Heheh

Well, it’s time to sleep boys and girls. Bye bye

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