Definitely I realized. All these years I was looking for something that is just an idea, a product of society, trying to maintain people under control. Creating non-existent ideas to subject others to constrain their impulses. Just following others like hordes, believing in something that is just not there. Fairy tales, from long dead authors that believed in mindless devotion based on the word “love”.
I realized that I don’t want to be loved. I want more clear words, I want respect, I want loyalty, I want solidarity, I want camaraderie. I don’t want to base relationships with others in something ethereal that I cannot measure, it’s just stupid. It’s too easy to say “I love you” like it’s easy to say “this is an act of god” and neither is true.
It took me a long time to shake off the stupidity. I take a long time to come to transcendental decisions.
I can think again.