The world disgust me, it’s a horrible place to live in.
Sometimes like with love I fall in this stupor and I am not myself anymore, I don’t want to feel the stupor again, I don’t want to loose myself again and blind me of a truth that i know but i can’t face. I can’t face because I’m lost within my own needs of love.
Love does not exist, need supplants love. It’s the stupor, the stupid stupor that makes you unwanted, unloved, unappreciated. He will not bring anything into your life. He’s only going to take. Make the life bearable while filling his own needs. Whatever needs they are.
You know the truth, you just can’t face it because you’re scared.
Of what I ask?
Of not being loved.
You’re not loved anyways, because love does not exists and if it did you wouldn’t be loved anyways. Don’t fill the void with him, fill it with yourself.
Be proud, be certain, be firm, be yourself.
If love does not exist, then what do you expect from life?
Nothing. Expect nothing and everything you’ll get will fill you.
Disturbing in a good way. Ugly, sad, horrible, tainted, disgusting, crazy but in the end nothing is but everything can become.
You know the truth. Now use it. Believe in it and you will believe in yourself. That will make you stronger again.
The voices are quieter now. I can listen to myself again, and the stupor is momentarily gone. I am myself again. The one I love.
I don’t need it anymore. I won my freedom again. I can hug again. No anxiety of failure because there is nothing to lose. I have everything I need, nothing can be lost anymore because nothing is mine. It does not belong to me and will never belong.
I can think