Routine

I wake up. Get hooked up [to the computer]. Wanna go out. Have nowhere to go. It’s scary out there. Go nothing to do. It’s safer locked inside. Only know few people. Don’t wanna call. People are too busy. Don’t wanna bother people. Nothing really interests me anyways. Feel hungry. Got nuthing to eat. Scared of going to the cafeteria. But really hungry. Haven’t eaten much. Take a bath. Noises in the room. Dry with the dry towel. Get dressed. Have to wear my protective gear. It takes time to prepare. Everything gotta be perfect or I might get hurt. Yet again. Didn’t met anybody. But hey.. Didn’t got hurt :). A new quest have been conquered. Come back. Lock the door. Get hooked up again. Time passes by. A new day went by. No friends. Only far away ones. Who don’t realize that I cannot be loved. Cause I have a nasty disease. Fungus growing out of my eyes and ears. Gotta die again. Only to be reborn next morning and relive the nasty routine of having no routine.


I wake up. Get hooked up [to the computer]{it’s my safe place}.
Wanna go out{Wanna be happy}.
Have nowhere to go{depression+lack of motivation}.
It’s scary out there{I might get hurt like when I was a kid}.
Go nothing to do{No energy}.
It’s safer locked inside{Least probable place where to get hurt by others}.
Only know few people{donesn’t have a lot of friends}.
Don’t wanna call{I have this nasty habit of not calling people cause I think I’m gonna bother them and they’re gonna cut me off}.
People are too busy{for me}.
Don’t wanna bother people. Nothing really interests me anyways{It’s safer this way or I might get hurt}.
Feel hungry{haven’t gone out}.
Got nuthing to eat{haven’t went to the market}.
Scared of going to the cafeteria{people can be nasty}.
But really hungry. Haven’t eaten much. Take a bath. Noises in the room{ghost?}.
Dry with the dry towel{clean towel=no pimples}.
Get dressed{so people approve how I dress, how I smell, what I wear and what I am}.
Have to wear my protective gear{to keep a safe distance from people}.
It takes time to prepare{so they cannot make fun of me}.
Everything gotta be perfect or I might get hurt. Yet again. Didn’t met anybody{I only focused on my plate}.
But hey.. Didn’t got hurt 🙂{course asshole, you didn’t talked with anyone}.
A new quest have been conquered{yay for you}.
Come back. Lock the door. Get hooked up again{here we go again}.
Time passes by. A new day went by. No friends. Only far away ones. Who don’t realize that I cannot be loved. Cause I have a nasty disease{i’m ugly}.
Fungus growing out of my eyes and ears{and dumb}.
Gotta die again{sleep}.
Only to be reborn next morning and relive the nasty routine of having no routine.{or being a depressed guy with PTSD}

Why?
I think cause I forgot to take my aminos this morning

0 thoughts on “Routine”

  1. Dear Luis,
    If you were here, I’d hug you, I’d talk with you, and I would be your friend in person. :o)
    Part of making friends is being a friend, break the ice, the rest will come naturally to you. :o)
    *hugglins*
    Love you.
    Je taime.

  2. You are my friend, and you are real. But you know how distant and unreal distance makes relationships. I wish I could explain, but it’s really hard, sometimes even when I try to break the ice, it doesn’t work you know, like in the end people are too busy with their lives, and sometimes I and not interested also… so in the end I’m alone sometimes and others not… but I still feel alone.

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