Talking with Melvin

I just hanged up the phone after talking for a an hour or so with Melvin. He’s one of ‘s gay brothers. He was telling me about his sad relationship with a guy who was using him. He knew it. But, Melvin was content with just seeing him.

When we have experienced lack of love, we crave for it, and even if we only get crumbs we end up begging for them. He have to stand up for ourselves and not let people that doesn’t love us, use us. I can’t be afraid. I must stand up for myself. I must love myself over everything and everybody. I can’t forget about myself ever again.

I feel extremely ashamed about the ugly experiences that I lived with Luis Antonio. He doesn’t love me, even though he claims he does. He never loved me, even though he claims he did. And I know all this because he repeatedly hurted me badly. And there will be memories that I will be ashamed of for my whole life. I can’t crave for love. I don’t need love to live. And the next time I give myself to love, I won’t end up begging for crums.

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