Okay day today, more gym.. I like the gym, makes me feel normal. In the afternoon friends wanted to go out with me. Sometimes I feel saturated, like if I needed time alone, and I’m not getting enough. I went to a mall to eat and look at some pants I wanted to buy. I want to buy pants with bell bottoms. I ended up not being able to buy anything because my bank cancelled my check card, (long story involving them sending my new check card to some unknown address in Miami). I ate lousy chinnese fried rice, and some pick pockets stole a friends Discman from his backpack. That kinda made me feel bad because it was my idea to ride the metro instead of driving there. But I do understand that it wasn’t my fault, and it could’ve had happened any other time. I’m free to make decisions and they are not in direct relation with furtive events.
Still LA crosses my mind 1000 times a day, it gets tiresome to think alone, to think and rethink things over without any kind of feedback. Without knowing what he thinks, what he feels/felt, what he wants or not. Well.. whatever.. thanks god I know I’ll live.. and someday, it’ll be part of my past, and my bad memory will take care of it.
I’m spending too much time and energy with others, I don’t want to be all the time with friends, I need time alone, I realized that being with LA consumed all the time I had, but it left me empty, because in the end, I wasn’t doing anything for me. I want to do things for me, instead of just wasting my time talking nonsense. Like I said in previous posting, it’s not that I don’t love them, it’s just that I need time for me.